


Fan(tastic) Baby

by wendywrites



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 03:10:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3513023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendywrites/pseuds/wendywrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson starts off as Jaebum’s fan, becomes his friend, and ends up as his lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fan(tastic) Baby

Ever since Jackson moved to South Korea three years ago, he’s encountered a number of social and cultural differences between Korea and his hometown of Hong Kong, the most significant one being the strict social hierarchy that defines the interactions of its fifty million citizens. Even now it still trips him up a bit, and he’s never quite gotten over having to refer to Mark as his ‘hyung’; even though his best friend is technically one year older than him, Jackson has never really thought of Mark as being ‘older’ – but he’s had to in Korea.  
  
Aside from all that, another interesting difference is the booming idol industry. Sure, idols exist in mainland China, but the demand for them is much smaller compared with Korea. He was a bit bemused the first time he saw a group of high school girls on their way to a concert, decked out in matching t-shirts and armed with light sticks, banners, and scarves with the letters ‘BTOB’ printed on them, calling themselves ‘Melodies’. At the time, Jackson never imagined he’d ever resemble them.  
  
As much as Jackson would describe himself as someone who love music in general, hip-hop is his favourite genre by far, and it’s pretty well-known that idols and hip-hip don’t exactly mix well. Okay, maybe that’s not  _always_  true if his collection of B.A.P., Block B, and BTS–seriously, what is it with ‘B’ groups anyway?–albums is anything to go by. Still, he wouldn’t go so far as to describe himself as their fan, more like a casual listener. He never thought he’d ever get dazzled by the flash and sparkle of any idol group – but that was before he discovered J-Project. It was five months into their debut when Jackson first found out about them. He was bored and looking around for some new music to listen to when he stumbled upon a teaser for their imminent comeback.  
  
Now, if you asked him then Jackson would say that he doesn’t believe in the concept of love at first sight, but that if he did believe in it then he would totally say that it happened with J-Project’s leader, Im Jaebum. Anyone with working eyes could see that the man is incredibly handsome, but it’s wasn’t just his look that had Jackson enraptured as he watched the other man fool around with a basketball on his laptop screen. Jackson, who was already leaning forward, sat up in shock and felt a rush of heat run through his body when Jaebum walked towards the camera and said, “Ey, you like me right?” Logically, Jackson knew that the other man didn’t even know he existed, but in that moment it really felt like he was being personally addressed.  
  
After he thoroughly abused the replay button, Jackson then hopped over to Wikipedia to get some background information on the man in the clip. He was immediately intrigued by the story of how the group came about. J-Project was actually intended to be a duo called JJ project, but a third member with highly rated vocal abilities was added to the line-up shortly before their debut. Jackson wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he first clicked on the link to their debut MV, but he found himself jamming along to the beat–instantly hooked–even though it wasn’t his preferred genre. He went and downloaded the song off iTunes the second it finished playing. After that he looked up the other songs on the mini album, then he looked up clips of their previous interviews, music show performances, variety show appearances, the first season of their web show…it all just snowballed from there. His transformation from non-fan to fanboy happened so fast that even now Jackson’s a bit surprised at how much he loves them. He’s not the only one.  
  
“Holy shit, dude, it looks like you bought enough of their albums to open up your own store!” Mark exclaims as he sifts through the stacks of CD cases in Jackson’s bedroom. “What are you even going to do with all of the extra ones? I doubt you could find enough people to re-sell even half of them.”  
  
Jackson scoffs. “Of course I’m not going to sell them. I’m using them to make a banner for when I go to their fan meet next week,” he holds up the sign he’s currently working on, a mosaic of the three J-Project members with the Hong Kong flag in the upper right corner. “The shiny, reflective side of the CDs are very effective at attracting attention and what better way is there to show my love and dedication than to JP?”  
  
Mark opens his mouth, his eyebrows rising, before he shuts it with a shake of his head. Good. Jackson doesn’t need him or anyone else to understand his love for J-Project, but he won’t abide ridicule (at least not to his face). He’d stop talking to Mark for like a whole day if he ever made fun of him for that. As he’s putting his banner back, his watch starts beeping.  
  
“Oh, it’s almost time for JP’s interview,” Jackson says to himself as he sees the time. “You gonna watch it with me or what?” Jackson calls over his shoulder as he heads into the living room.  
  
“Yeah, why not?” Mark shrugs as he follows him and throws himself onto Jackson’s sofa.  
  
“I knew it! You like them too, don’t you? I’ll make a Pyjama of you yet, Mark Tuan,” Jackson grins as he plops down beside Mark.  
  
Mark shakes his head with a slight grimace. “Not with that fan name you won’t,” he mutters under his breath as Jackson switches on the television.  
  
“Hello, we are J-Project!” The group says in unison with a bow.  
  
“I still think ‘JYJ’ would’ve been a better name for them than ‘J-Project’,” Mark mumbles to himself.  
  
“Pfft, what do you know?” Jackson scoffs without looking at him.  
  
“Hello, I’m power vocal maknae, YJ,” Youngjae says a bit nervously, shifting in his seat, before he bows his head. Jackson grins to himself. Youngjae is only about three years younger than him, but his adorable awkwardness makes him seem a lot younger. He’ll probably grow out of it as he gets used to speaking on camera, but Jackson hopes that’s not for a while at least.  
  
“Hello, I’m the gentlemanly sexy Jr.,” Jinyoung says with a wink and a nod. Jackson shakes his head with a slight chuckle. Personally, he thinks ‘cute’ and ‘playful’ would be more suitable adjectives, he wouldn’t really describe Jinyoung as being any kind of ‘sexy’– well except for his ass, that thing is juicy.  
  
“Hello, I’m JB, the leader of J-Project,” Jaebum says solemnly with a bow. Jackson wraps his arms tightly around himself, sighing dreamily. Mark starts to snicker beside him, but Jackson pays him no mind. He loves J-Project as a group, and he likes all three members as individuals, but Im Jaebum is his absolute favourite. He’s so cool and chic–a man’s man–and if Jackson would pay actual money for the privilege of sucking his cock then that’s between him and God. Besides it’s not like Mark has any room to talk anyway; Jackson has seen him give Jaebum a second–and third–look that time he flashed his chest on their web show.  
  
“What would you say is the difference between your debut song ‘Bounce’ and your new comeback song ‘A’?”  
  
“‘Bounce’ was an energetic, rock-influenced pop song, while ‘A’ is more of a fresh and youthful R&B song,” Jaebum quickly reels off an answer.  
  
“Also, I have parts!” Youngjae bounces in his seat, to fond laughter from Jinyoung and Jaebum. Jackson can’t help but giggle as well, and he sees Mark smiling in his peripheral vision.  
  
“Ah, yes, because Youngjae had such a short training period, singing and dancing was difficult for him, but he’s improved a lot over the past six months,” Jaebum says with a proud smile at the youngest member, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Youngjae grins shyly and ducks his head, but doesn’t try to escape. Jackson is torn between finding the sight adorable and seething with jealousy.  
  
“Awww don’t cry. You can ask JB to pet your hair when you go to their fan meet,” Mark simpers as he rubs Jackson’s arm in mock sympathy.  
  
Jackson kicks him in the shin without moving his eyes from the television. Even if he’s recording it, he doesn’t want to miss a second of Jaebum doing his grandfather impression, Youngjae being pushed to do aegyo, and Jinyoung doing a montage of girl group dances.  
  
“It’s come to our attention that J-Project apparently has a lot of male fans,” the interviewer says. Jackson sits up in his seat.  
  
“I don’t know if I’d say that we have a lot, but the ones that we do have tend to be really passionate,” Jinyoung says pensively. “I’ve seen a couple of them in the audience when we perform at music shows and one in particular really stands out. He’s amazing; he’s come to all our recordings for our comeback so far.”  
  
“Oh, you mean the one who always wears the hats with the same three numbers on it, right?” Youngjae speaks up. Jackson grabs Mark’s hands and squeezes them tightly, holding his breath, ignoring Mark’s pained gasps.  
  
“Ah, him, yeah he’s something else,” Jaebum laughs helplessly, looking down while he rubs his neck. Jackson thrums with excitement in his seat as he shakes Mark, holding fast to his hands while the other man kicks at him, trying to pull away.  
  
“He’s really friendly too. Jaebum-hyung, you missed it because you left the stage so soon, but at the last recording we did, he gave me a pack of herbal tea. When I asked what it was for he told me to tell you to drink it with lots of honey to soothe your sore throat. Hyung hadn’t even revealed that he was sick, the fan just noticed him rubbing his throat at an earlier recording,” Jinyoung says to mild laughter from the interviewer. Jaebum continues to laugh helplessly.  
  
“Did you drink the tea?” The interviewer prompts.  
  
“Yes, I did, and it really did help my throat. If that fan is watching right now, thank you for the gift,” Jaebum bows slightly. Jackson finally releases Mark’s hands as he scrambles up to the television with an eardrum-piercing squeal.  
  
“To close is there a message that you’d like to leave with your fans?”  
  
“Yes, I’d just like to say that we, J-Project, appreciate all the fans that we have–male or female, young or old. We’re a rookie group that still has a lot to learn, but we hope that you will continue to love and support us as we grow. Thank you,” Jaebum says before him and the rest of the group bow to the camera.  
  
“This has been J-Project! Thank you very much.”  
  
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Oh. My.  _God!_ ” Jackson screams with his head thrown back before he collapses on the floor.

Mark kicks him in the side as he passes by, grumbling about needing to get ice for his fingers, but Jackson hardly even feels it. Not only do the members of J-Project remember him, but Im Jaebum personally addressed him on television! It’s simultaneously the best and worst thing that happened to him all year.  
  
“I’m going to their fan sign next week. How am I supposed to look them in the eyes when I know they’ll recognise me? Oh my God, what do I do?!” Jackson wails as he pounds his fists and kicks his feet against the floor.  
  
“Not this,” Mark says sardonically, his hand making a sweeping gesture over Jackson’s body.  
  
“Mark!” Jackson sits up, “I need you to come with me as moral support! I can’t face them alone,” Jackson whines as he attaches himself to Mark’s legs, burying his face in the other’s jeans.  
  
“Hey, get off,” Mark fusses as he tries to shake Jackson off; Jackson simply clings tighter. “Alright, alright, I’ll come with and make sure you don’t humiliate yourself,” Mark concedes with a sigh.  
  
“Ah, I knew I kept you around for a reason,” Jackson sighs in relief, letting go of Mark’s legs to jump up and pull his best friend into a hug.  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Mark says dryly, patting Jackson a bit too hard on the back.  
  
Jackson pulls back, pushing out his lower lip and blinking his eyes. “Will you help me finish my banner?”  
  
“As if,” Mark cackles.  
  
“Some friend you are,” Jackson scoffs. Mark flashes him a sickeningly sweet smile.  
  
  
  
  
On the actual day of the fan meet, Jackson checks and rechecks his hair, clothes, shoes, and accessories no less than ten times. He’s torn between his all-black-everything look and his high school jock look. From the way Mark’s tapping his feet with his lips pressed together, Jackson can tell he’s getting annoyed at having to wait so long for Jackson to come to a decision, but he can’t help it.  
  
“Should I comb my bangs down or put them up under my hat? I think bangs up suits my current outfit more, but bangs down really brings out my eyes. What do you think?”  
  
“I think I’m about to get up and walk out whether you’re ready to go or not,” Mark says in that even, measured tone he uses when he’s trying not to lose his temper.  
  
“Alright, just one more outfit change and then I swear I’ll be ready,” Jackson says imploringly before he runs off to his wardrobe. He hears Mark sigh and knows he’ll stick around. What a guy. You can’t buy friends like Mark. “Alright, I’m ready now. How do I look? I think this look suits their new concept.” Jackson says as he turns around, modelling the white t-shirt and light blue bomber jacket with long, brown sleeves, worn with dark blue jeans, and Tims. “Oh shit, I just realised that they remember me for my hats but a hat doesn’t suit this outfit,” Jackson frets.  
  
“Forget the hat. We’re going. Now,” Mark says as he grabs Jackson by his arms and frog-marches him out the door.  
  
There are a more people at the venue than Jackson thought there would be, which means that he has to wait a lot longer in line when it’s time for fans to go up to the stage, allowing him even more time for his hands to get sweaty and clammy. Jackson sees a couple of other guys here and there, but they all seem to have come alone or with a group of female friends; he and Mark seem to be the only guys who came with another guy. Is that weird? Are they weird? Will J-Project think he’s weird? Will  _Jaebum_  think he’s weird?  
  
“Dude, calm down, you look like you’re going to throw up,” Mark says as he soothingly rubs Jackson’s back. “Just take deep breaths, yeah?”  
  
Right, deep breaths. Jackson does as he’s told and he must admit that he feels less nauseous, but the deep breathing just makes the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears that much louder. One minute and two lifetimes simultaneously pass before they finally make it to the table and, despite the way he had been hyping himself up for days, Jackson still isn’t prepared.  
  
Youngjae beams up at Jackson when their eyes meet. “Oh, it’s you! You’re the one who gave Jaebum-hyung the tea.” If being acknowledged on television felt like his heart stopping then being acknowledged in person feels like his soul leaving his body. “I see you brought a friend this time,” Youngjae says with a glance at Mark. Jackson nods dumbly. Mark pries away the album he has clutched in his hands and gives it to Youngjae to sign.  
  
“Normally he’s so loud and chatty, it’s actually kind of freaky seeing him go so quiet. He might faint when he gets to talk to Jaebum,” Mark chuckles. Jackson would kick him if he could feel his legs.  
  
“Well, it was nice meeting you. I’ll look out for you at our next recording. By the way, I like your banner. It must’ve taken a while to recreate that scene from our MV, and you did it so skilfully,” Youngjae grins, flashing the peace sign, and then they’re moving down the table to stand in front of Jinyoung. As they wait for him to finish signing a page from a magazine containing one of their photo shoots, Mark rubs Jackson’s back and shoulders, whispering in his ear for him to breathe.  
  
“Oh, hi,” Jinyoung greets them when he’s finished, his eyes sparkling with recognition. “Hey, hyung, this is the male fan that brought the tea,” Jinyoung says as he taps Jaebum on the arm. Before Jackson can blink, Jaebum’s piercing brown eyes are staring up at him in consideration.  
  
“Hi,” Jackson squeaks timidly.  
  
“Hello and thank you,” Jaebum inclines his head, the corner of his lips curving to form a smile. Jackson wobbles a bit on his feet, but at least he doesn’t faint. As Mark takes back the album from Jinyoung and gives it to Jaebum to sign, Jackson opens and closes his mouth, trying to form words.  
  
“Hyung, you’re the best. Your voice is so soulful that I’m touched whenever I hear it, your dancing is amazing and you take your responsibilities as leader so seriously. To me you’re an example not just of an idol but also a man and I’ll always be your fan,” Jackson pants at the sudden spillage of the words out of his mouth.  
  
Jaebum blinks a bit in surprise before a shy smile blooms on his face. “Oh wow, thank you for saying such kind words. What’s your name?” Jaebum asks as he signs Jackson’s album. Jackson soundlessly opens and closes his mouth.  
  
“Jackson. His name is Jackson,” Mark supplies helpfully.  
  
“Jackson, eh? With your ‘J’ name, you could be an unofficial member of J-Project,” Jaebum winks playfully. It takes all of Jackson’s strength of will to keep himself standing. “Well, Jackson, I hope to see you again at another event.” Jaebum holds his hand out to shake. Jackson blinks at in surprise before he latches onto it and shakes it with both of his hands.  
  
“Come on, don’t wring his arm out of its socket. It’s time to go,” Mark takes hold of both of his shoulders and pulls him away. Jackson turns his head to see Jaebum wave at him. He keeps staring until Mark pulls him out of sight. “You know, with the way you go on about Jaebum, I half expected you to try to hump his leg. Congratulations on not doing anything too embarrassing,” Mark says with a playful hip check, his hands still gripping Jackson by the shoulders.  
  
“He knows my name now. And we shook hands. Oh my God, I touched him,” Jackson says faintly while staring down at his hands. There’s a faint tingling just below the skin of his fingers; he wiggles them. Mark pats him on the shoulder and continues to guide him away. Jackson thinks he’s leading them back to the bus stop, but he blinks when Mark pulls him inside a café and pushes him into a seat.  
  
“You’ve got to come up some time and I’d rather it not be while we’re on public transportation,” Mark calls over his shoulder as he heads to the counter. When he comes back, he sets a latte and a slice of cake down in front of himself and a bottle of water in front of Jackson. Jackson blankly watches him tuck into his snack before a cold shiver racks his body.  
  
“Holy shit, I just met J-Project!” Jackson jumps in his seat; his knees bump the table, jolting Mark’s cake and knocking his water bottle on its side. Mark picks it up and unscrews the cap before he hands the bottle back to Jackson. Jackson takes it and gulps down half its contents.  
  
“Feeling better now?”  
  
“Yeah, thanks, man. Wow, for a little while I actually breathed the same air as them. Amazing,” Jackson breathes and Mark gives him a thumb up that’s not completely sarcastic. Unbeknownst to him, he’ll get to do that and much more in the future, but for now Jackson loses himself in the memory of Jaebum shaking his hand and smiling at him.  
  
  
  
  
Jackson wouldn’t ever describe himself as a Big Name Fan, but there is a fairly sizeable group of people that he chats with online about J-Project. It came about on a fan forum one day when he mentioned he was from Hong Kong. Initially they all were interested in hearing about why someone from Hong Kong would come to Korea to study and how someone–and a guy to boot–who wasn’t interested in idols became such a huge JP fan. From then on, they were curious as to what he thought about the songs on their mini albums, whether he liked the concept for their debut or comeback better, who he thinks is the best singer and so on. Jackson doesn’t really think his opinions are all that interesting, but it’s not like he’ll ever chase away anyone who wants to hear them.  
  
When he mentioned that he worked as a barista, some of them mentioned how lucky they thought he was. As naïve teenagers who clearly have never worked in a coffee shop, they seemed to think of the job in a romantic light with the fantasy that one day someone famous or handsome, or handsome and famous could walk right through the door and that would be the start of a wonderful love story. Jackson simply said it wasn’t as great as that, biting back the stories of assholes who picked fights with him just because they knew he couldn’t say anything back to them, fussy customers who would demand to see the manager if the milk in their latte wasn’t steamed at exactly 70.5°C, and the occasional weirdo who asked him to put the coffee directly in their child’s baby bottle so they wouldn’t spill any while transferring it from the cup. It isn’t the worst job he’s ever had–no, that dubious honour goes to the four weeks he served as a camp counsellor in summer ‘09–but it’s certainly not the greatest job either. He never had any expectations of meeting anyone famous in the slightly dingy place he works at, his favourite celebrity least of all, but life can be very unpredictable.  
  
“Could I have five double espressos and a mocha latte with extra whipped cream to go?”  
  
He’s wearing huge sunglasses that cover up half his face, but Jackson could pick him out of a line-up based on nothing but his right eyebrow and of course he’d recognise that sweet, sultry voice anywhere.  
  
“Hello?” Jaebum asks, sounding a bit impatient.  
  
“Hi,” Jackson says meekly. Jaebum tilts his head before his mouth falls slightly open.  
  
“It’s you, Jackson, right?” he asks and Jackson nearly wets himself.  
  
“Yes, yes, it’s me. Oh my God, I can’t believe you remembered my name,” Jackson gushes.  
  
“It’s an unusual name in this country. Plus, I had a bit of help,” Jaebum chuckles as he gestures to the hat sitting on top of Jackson’s head. To think Mark thought it was ridiculous of him to wear clothes with his own name printed on it. Suck it, Mark. “I hate to sound demanding, but we’re kind of on a tight schedule,” Jaebum says with a glance at his watch.  
  
“Right, sorry. I’ll get right on it,” Jackson babbles before he throws himself at the espresso machine. “From your order, I’m guessing you’re going to be pulling an all-nighter tonight,” Jackson surprises himself by being able to talk to Jaebum and make his coffee at the same time.  
  
“Hmmm,” Jaebum nods noncommittally.  
  
“Must be difficult to be so busy,” Jackson says, biting his lip. As much as he enjoys seeing J-Project in shows as often as he can, he’s well aware that their resting time is the toll that is paid for their many activities.  
  
“After enduring years of uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I’d debut and having no idea about what I’d do with myself if I failed, I don’t mind being busy until I’m dead.”

Jackson blinks, that’s the most candid thing he’s ever heard Jaebum say. Jaebum seems to realise it too, because he turns away to look out the shop window. Jackson wants to kick himself for inadvertently making the other man uncomfortable, but he settles for remaining quiet and leaving Jaebum to his thoughts while he finishes with his order.  
  
“Your five double espressos and a mocha latte with extra whipped cream are ready to go,” Jackson announces when he’s finished.  
  
“How much is that?”  
  
Jackson waves his hand. “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house.” He mentally cringes at the thought of having to pick up the tab with his own wages, but he really wants Jaebum to leave without any lingering negative impressions about him.  
  
“Really, how much is it?” Jackson can see just enough of his eyebrows to tell that they’re furrowed.  
  
“You shouldn’t be wasting time with that. Didn’t you say you’re on a tight schedule?” Jaebum frowns before he takes out his wallet and pulls out a single note, plopping it down on the table before he grabs his coffees and makes for the door. “Hey, wait! This is too much,” Jackson calls after him, holding up the note.  
  
“If you care that much then give me my change the next time you come to one of our events,” Jaebum says with a smirk before he’s out the door. Jackson gapes for a moment at the door, before he’s smiling so hard that is cheeks ache.  
  
“Excuse me, could I have a refill?” Jackson snaps back into attention and turns to the woman in her mid twenties who’s been lounging in a corner booth with her shoes off.  
  
“I could make you another mocaccino, but you would have to pay for it.”  
  
“What kind of lousy coffee shop doesn’t give free refills? I’d like to speak to the manager,” she fumes. Jackson sighs as he heads into the back room, but it’s not long before his lips are quirking up again. Working in a coffee shop really isn’t all that bad.  
  
  
  
  
“Mark, dude, you’ll never believe what happened at my shift today!” Jackson phones him the second he gets back to his flat.  
  
“Did that weirdo in the green cat costume come back again?”  
  
“What? No. It was something good, great even,” Jackson gushes as he throws himself onto his sofa. He’ll never guess what happened.  
  
“Hmmm I dunno, did a celebrity stop by?” Mark asks, slowly chewing over the words before they leave his mouth.  
  
“Uh, yeah,” Jackson says, still excited, but deflating a bit.  
  
“Holy shit, was it a member of J-Project? Did JB stop by?”  
  
“Hey, how’d you know?” Jackson pouts.  
  
“Please, who else could make you this excited?” Mark scoffs. “So, what happened? Did you throw up on his shoes from shock?”  
  
“Of course I didn’t,” Jackson scoffs back as if he didn’t almost soil himself when Jaebum called him by name. “We chatted a bit while I made his coffee, and I kind of said too much, but then he smiled at me when he was leaving and said I should come see him at another fan sign!” If experiencing it was odd, then recounting it is downright surreal.  
  
“Oh wow, I’ll have to mention this when I make my best man speech at your wedding,” Mark chuckles.  
  
“Don’t make me hang up on you, Mark Tuan,” Jackson warns with no real heat, too preoccupied with the thought of Jaebum in a white tuxedo holding his hand out for Jackson to take, a dazzling smile on his face.  
  
“You’re imagining it, aren’t you?” Mark laughs hysterically.

Jackson hangs up on him, tossing his phone aside. It takes about half a minute for it to ring.  
  
“Are you done being a dickhead?”  
  
“Nope,” Mark chirps with a voice full of mirth.  
  
“Why do I even bother with you?” Jackson shakes his head.  
  
“So, when is the next event?”  
  
“The next fan sign I can go to is in two weeks, but they’re going to be recording at Music Bank before that, so I’m going to try to go then as well.”  
  
As it turns out, Jackson ends up spending the afternoon of the recording coughing and blowing his nose, feeling like a piece of used gum stuck to the bottom of someone’s shoe. If that wasn’t enough, he found out that he misread the due date of an important assignment and had to power through his flu to catch up with the required research required.  
  
“This fucking sucks,” he wails to Mark, despairing at how nasally his voice sounds as he tries not to drip phlegm on his textbook.  
  
“Hush, these things happen,” Mark says as he rests a tray with chicken soup, a glass of water and medication in front of Jackson. “Eat this, take these, and feel better.”  
  
Jackson miserably wipes his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie, but does as he’s told. There’s no way he’s going to miss JP’s fan sign, and he’s not going to go there looking a gross, flu-y mess. Luckily, fortune seemed to have found favour with him again, because he recovers quickly and is in great condition as he dresses for the event.  
  
“Do I still need to come with you? You seem to have done just fine talking to JB on your own,” Mark says as he plays a game on his phone while he waits for Jackson to finish accessorising.  
  
“Of course you need to come, I might need you. Anyway, don’t try and act like you don’t want to go see them,” Jackson says dismissively while readjusting his hat.  
  
“I don’t though. I like some of their songs, but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fan.”  
  
“ _Heeeey I already know everything/So why are you hiding/It’s written all over your face that you like JP_ ,” Jackson sings as he skips up to Mark, finally satisfied with his appearance. It’s just a light grey hoodie worn over a white t-shirt, blue jeans and a light grey hat, but he likes it because it makes him look cute and approachable but still kinda tough and masculine at the same time.  
  
“I’ve noticed your wardrobe palette gets a lot lighter when you dress for these things,” Mark comments as he looks over Jackson’s outfit.  
  
“Notice all you like, but let’s get going,” Jackson says as he grabs his photo book and links his arm with Mark’s.  
  
Jackson doesn’t know for sure, but there seems to be a bit more people at this fan sign than the last one. On the one hand, he’s happy that his favourite group are getting more popular–in fact, he’ll probably piss himself in excitement when they finally get a number one song–but he can’t help but be a tiny bit annoyed at how much longer he’s going to have to wait in line now, how much more difficult it will be to get into their events in future.  
  
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” Jackson grins as Jinyoung greets him in English, holding his hand out. When Jackson takes it, Jinyoung pulls him in and briefly wraps his other arm around his back.  
  
“I’m good, I’m good,” Jackson laughs as he hands Jinyoung his photo book to sign.  
  
“Excellent!” Jackson giggles. “Where are you originally from anyway? Your Korean is good, but you still have an accent. Plus, you speak English so well,” Jinyoung says, switching back to Korean.  
  
“I was born and raised in Hong Kong.”  
  
“Oh, cool. I hope you like Korea,” Jinyoung waves.  
  
“I definitely do,” Jackson nods before he moves down the table.  
  
“Hello, again. How have you been since the last time we met?” Youngjae asks with a bright smile.  
  
“I was actually sick earlier, but thankfully I recovered in time for this,” Jackson says as he opens his photo book to the page he had bookmarked for Youngjae to sign. Jackson grins to himself when he reads the message Youngjae writes above his signature, ‘The next time you feel unwell, listen to our songs and let my voice soothe you to health~’.  
  
“Can you sign this? Please address it to ‘Mark’,” Mark says to Jinyoung as he pulls a copy of their latest album out of his pocket. A grin slowly spreads across Jackson’s face. Mark warningly wags his index finger in Jackson’s face. “Shut up. I may as well get it signed, since I’m here.”  
  
“I didn’t say anything,” Jackson giggles. His laughter and his breath are sucked out of him as he stops in front of Jaebum.  
  
“Hey,” the older man says with a lazy smile. “Did you bring my change?”  
  
“Uh, yeah,” Jackson says before he rifles through his pockets and pulls out a handful of notes and coins. “I did, actually.”  
  
“You even brought the receipt. You really are something else,” Jaebum chuckles, shaking his head. Jackson ducks his head to hide his grin and reddening cheeks and hands him his photo book to sign.  
  
“Sorry I missed you at Music Bank by the way. We were running so late behind schedule that we couldn’t stay and chat with fans after rehearsal,” Jaebum says as he signs the picture of himself riding a skateboard in a tank top and a pair of ripped jeans.

Jackson’s heart leaps into his throat, but he forces it back down because Jaebum didn’t mean it like  _that_.  
  
“It’s okay, I wasn’t there anyway. I wanted to go, but I caught a cold and had a paper to work on.”  
  
“I’m sorry to hear that you got sick. You’re looking a lot better now. I mean, you look well. You know, like you’re not ill anymore.”  
  
“Oh, thanks,” Jackson says, feeling his cheeks heating up even more. Again, he tells himself to being stupid; Jaebum isn’t hitting on him.  
  
“What are you studying anyway?” Jaebum tilts his head.  
  
“Sports physiotherapy; it’s pretty personal for me,” Jackson says a bit nervously, his hand unconsciously scratching at his right knee.  
  
“You’re an athlete?” Jaebum asks with raised eyebrows.  
  
“I was,” Jackson says plainly.

Jaebum opens his mouth, but a coordinator is upon Jackson, telling him that he’s been there long enough and it’s time to move along out of the line. Jackson has only enough time to take his photo book back before he’s being led away.  
  
  
  
  
Seeing Jaebum at the coffee shop was strange the first time, but it’s surprisingly even more bizarre seeing him the second time. He rushes up to the counter, skipping ahead of a couple of teenaged stoners with dyed hair who can’t decide what they want.  
  
“Hey, I can’t stay long. Could I get a chocolate muffin to go?” Jackson quickly gets the muffin and puts it in a paper bag, blinking in surprise when Jaebum hands him a folded bit of paper along with money—too much, again—for the muffin.  
  
“Later,” he grins as he runs out of the shop, his exit every bit as abrupt as his entrance. Jackson tilts his head and blinks down at the paper Jaebum slipped into his hand.  
  
“Hey, we’re ready to order now.” Jackson looks up. “Yeah, we’d like two cheese sandwiches, four blueberry muffins and two cappuccinos,” the one with blue hair drawls lazily.  
  
“Wait, I thought we were gonna get four cheese sandwiches and two blueberry muffins,” his tall, blond friend taps him on the arm.  
  
“Did we? Sorry, man, it’s gonna take a little longer than I thought,” Blue scratches his head.  
  
“Right, okay,” Jackson waves a hand at them before he turns his attention back to the paper, unfolding it to see ‘@d_soul’ neatly scribbled on the inside. It takes him a moment, but he soon realises that it’s a twitter handle. He’s confused for another moment because the J-Project members don’t have individual accounts–they send tweets to fans through the group’s official twitter account–but his pulse jumps when he realises that it must be Jaebum’s secret, personal twitter account. He clutches the paper to his chest for a few seconds before he quickly shoves it into his pocket.  
  
“I don’t feel for a hot drink right now. I think I want an iced coffee,” Blond murmurs while scratching his chin.  
  
“At this point, I don’t even know if I want coffee anymore,” Blue says wistfully. Jackson feels a vein jump in his neck.  
  
“How about I order for you since you seem to be having trouble?” he asks with forced politeness.  
  
“Oh, okay, man. You work here, so you should know the good stuff,” Blue chirps while Blond nods in agreement.  
  
Jackson slaps together the two most half-hearted cups of coffee he’s ever made in his career as a barista and he sends them both on their way with four slices of carrot cake. Once they’re gone, he’s free to take out his phone and pull up the Twitter app. He searches for the handle that Jaebum gave him and sees that it’s a locked account. Jackson clicks the follow button and stares at the screen, as if that will decrease the time it will take for Jaebum to approve him as a follower. After about three minutes of staring, Jackson has to put his phone down to get some more carrot cake for Blue and Blond. Once he’s finished with them–hopefully for good–he checks his phone again and sees that he’s been approved to follow Jaebum. Any doubts Jackson might have had are obliterated when he reads the direct message from d_soul saying ‘The muffin was delicious :]’ Jackson wants to reply but all he can do is jump up and down on the spot and squeal.  
  
He’s got a long Exercise Physiology lecture to sit through before he can call it a day, but Jackson may as well have just gone home for all the focus can manage to drum up during class. He spends the entire two hour period staring at his phone and tapping his pen against his knee, trying to think up a good reply to Jaebum’s message. By the time he gets home, he’s written and re-written his reply a dozen times, but still hasn’t sent anything off yet. Should he continue with the muffin thing and say something like ‘i didn’t make it, but thanks’? Should he do the safe, boring thing and just ask Jaebum how his day went? Would it be weird if he goes for nonchalance and messages him back like they’re old friends? Jaebum give him his twitter handle because he wants to talk to him right? But not _too_ much since he didn’t give his KakaoTalk or LINE? Maybe he’s just over thinking this…  
  
_Ping_  
  
“Oh, shit!” Jackson jumps, nearly dropping his phone. It’s a message from Jaebum.  
  
‘I’m at the studio waiting for my time to sing. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep ㅠㅠ what are you doing?’  
  
‘just got home, wondering what to have for dinner. after that i need to go over my notes for an upcoming test.’ Jackson screws up his face, lamenting how mind-numbingly boring that message sounds. He wants to erase it and re-write it, but he’s unable to think up anything better than that and he doesn’t want to keep Jaebum waiting.  
  
Jaebum’s reply comes quickly. ‘I remember you said you were studying sports physiotherapy. Is that right?’  
  
Jackson blinks in surprise at the fact that Jaebum actually remembered that. He types out his reply with his heart thudding against his ribcage. ‘yeah, that’s right.’  
  
‘And you said you used to be an athlete. Can I ask what happened?’ Jackson chews on his lip for a long moment as he stares at the screen. It’s been two years since he got his career-ending injury, so it’s not exactly a fresh wound, but it’s not been so long that the hurt has all but disappeared yet. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I was just curious…’  
  
Jackson sucks in a breath and quickly types out his response. ‘no, it’s okay it’s just that it’s a difficult thing to talk about in 140 characters or less, you know?’  
  
‘I understand. My line id is defjeffb, add me?’  
  
“Oh my God!” Jackson jumps, his phone falling to the floor. He does about ten laps around his living room before he finally throws himself down on the sofa again and searches for Jaebum, sending him a friend request. About half a minute later, Jackson’s phone pings with the distinctive LINE notification noise.  
  
‘Hey! Look, it’s my turn to record so I’ve got to go, but message me and I’ll get back to you later, okay?’ Jaebum’s message reads, and then he sends a ‘See you later’ panda sticker for good measure. Jackson picks up a cushion and buries his face into it as he screams out in pure, unadulterated joy. Man, he has so much to tell Mark.

 

  

* * *

 

 

It’s been three months since Jackson started talking to Jaebum—like real, actual talking—and he still can’t believe it’s not a figment of his imagination. When he wakes up in the morning, he pulls up LINE on his phone to prove that the lingering memories he has of the two of them messaging commentary of a late-night drama were made up remnants of a dream, only to see the chat complete with timestamps.  
  
  
‘why don’t these characters ever just talk to each other properly??? he should just tell her that the other girl is a childhood friend and he was just pretending to be her boyfriend to protect her from a pushy ex.’  
  
‘Hmmm well maybe that’s what you would do, but people react to things differently.’  
  
‘you mean the writers are hacks who couldn’t think of any other way to keep the leads apart for 2 more episodes before the climax :p’  
  
‘ㅋㅋㅋshut up, it’s one of those things you just learn to accept with the genre’  
  
  
As much as he admired Jaebum, he never went as far as to deify the man, but it’s kind of weird to think of him as a regular guy who has a penchant for badly-written romance dramas. It’s nothing less than amazing that Jackson has got the opportunity to be able to find out these little details about him, the random and insignificant things that make up Im Jaebum the person—the things he doesn’t show on stage or in variety shows or interviews. Jackson is eating breakfast when his phone pings with a LINE alert from the devil himself.  
  
  
‘Hey, are you free today?’  
  
Jackson’s heart skips a beat, but he forces himself to take deep breaths as he types his response. ‘yeah, i am. why do you ask?’  
  
‘Well we have half the day off today and Jinyoung suggested that you come over to the dorm to hang out later.’ Jackson chokes, thumping on his chest as his cereal goes down the wrong pipe. ‘…It’s cool if you don’t want to though.’  
  
“If I don’t want–Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jackson exclaims as he leaps to his feet. He takes a couple of calming breaths. ‘no it’s cool (✿◠‿◠) sounds like fun~’  
  
‘Good ^^’  
  
Jaebum sends him their address, and Jackson once again can’t believe that this is actually happening. He’s entertained fantasies of hanging out with J-Project before—watching South Korea play in the World Cup, going out drinking, or just playing video games—but now it’s actually his reality!  
  
An hour later, Jackson checks his messages making sure he’s got the right floor and door number before he presses the buzzer. A few seconds later, Youngjae’s face pops up on the video intercom. “Hey, it’s me. Jackson, that is,” Jackson waves nervously.  
  
Youngjae laughs with his mouth wide open. “I know who you are,” he grins before he pushes the button that opens the door. Jackson pauses for a moment before he steps into the entryway, kicking off his shoes.  
  
“Oh wow, are you getting taller? You look taller,” Jackson exclaims as he moves his hand between his and Youngjae’s foreheads. “That’s not fair,” he moans as Youngjae starts laughing again.  
  
“Youngjae, I need you,” Jinyoung’s voice drifts out from another room; Youngjae jogs away. Jackson follows after him, stopping when he gets to the living room.  
  
“Is Jackson here?” Jaebum asks as he comes out of a side room, presumably his bedroom.

Jackson sucks in a breath, bowled over at the sight of Jaebum in grey sweatpants and a thin white t-shirt, his recently bleached hair artfully tousled. Jackson swallows. Either he’s got it worse than he originally thought or Jaebum is more effortlessly good-looking than he thought because he usually doesn’t dig blond hair on guys, but he thinks Jaebum looks amazing with it.

“Hey,” Jaebum smiles as he crosses the room.  
  
“Hey,” Jackson breathes in reply. Just before he gets within arm’s reach, Jackson has a miniature freak-out. How should he greet him? Is he allowed to hug him or should he shake his hand or would that be too formal? Jaebum solves his dilemma by opening his arms. Jackson practically jumps into them, knocking Jaebum two steps back as he wraps his arms around the other man. “Haha, whoops,” Jackson giggles nervously into Jaebum’s shoulder, rubbing Jaebum’s back.  
  
“I’m happy to see you too,” Jaebum chuckles lowly into Jackson’s ear and Jackson has to suppress a shiver. He holds onto Jaebum for just a little bit too long before he finally makes himself pull away.  
  
“So, this is your dorm?” Jackson asks as he twirls around the living room, taking everything in. It’s both strange and comforting how similar it is to his and Mark’s own living room. The only major difference is the collection of framed photos on the mantle of the fireplace. Jackson recognises some of them as individual from their pre-debut profiles and group photos from their debut and comeback.  
  
“It’s pretty ordinary isn’t it?” Youngjae calls out from the kitchen.  
  
“I guess, but that’s not like that’s a bad thing. You’re humans too; it’d just be weird if you had, like, a swimming pool in your living room or whatever,” Jackson shrugs. Jaebum chuckles, his eyes forming crescent moons, and Jackson will never get over the fact that he gets to cause that expression, that he gets to see it directed solely at him.  
  
“The kimbap is ready,” Jinyoung announces as he walks in with a plate of food and sets on the low table in the living room. Youngjae follows behind him with four bottles of juice clutched in his hands. Jackson waits for all of them to pick on up before he takes one and pops it in his mouth.  
  
“It’s good, but we don’t have any kimchi or danmuji to go with it?” Jaebum says around a mouthful of food.  
  
“I don’t see how that’s a problem, honestly,” Jackson says as he pops another roll into his mouth, trying not to choke when Jaebum lightly thumps his chest with the back of his hand.  
  
“I guess a foreigner like you wouldn’t understand,” Jaebum rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile on his face.  
  
Jinyoung rubs his chin thoughtfully. “You know, I think we just ran out. I should go get some from the convenience store,” he claps and eases himself to his feet. “Come on, Youngjae,” Jinyoung taps the youngest member on the head.  
  
“Wait, why do I have to go too?” Youngjae pouts as he pops a roll in his mouth.  
  
“I may as well get some other stuff we need while I’m there and I could use an extra pair of hands to help me carry the bags of course.”  
  
“Shouldn’t we just call Noyoung-hyung?” Youngjae asks, looking reluctant to go anywhere.  
  
“Now, now, we’re big boys; we shouldn’t rely on him for every little thing. Come on,” Jinyoung pulls the younger boy to his feet and pushes him towards the front door. “You two take it easy, we’ll be right back,” Jinyoung says with a wink.  
  
Jaebum’s eyes widen. “Wait, Jinyoung, you–”  
  
“Bye~” he calls out before the door closes behind him. Jaebum shakes his head with a sigh. Jackson doesn’t understand why he looks so exasperated, so he just keeps eating.  
  
“So, you called me here to hang out, what are we gonna do? I know your recent comeback and upcoming debut in Japan has kept you busy, but surely you must have a little bit of downtime every now and then. What do you guys like to do for fun?” Jackson asks, licking some stray grains of rice off his fingers.  
  
“We, um, well, we do different things. Jinyoung is a secret bookworm who is addicted to American police procedural dramas; Youngjae falls asleep if he hasn’t been in motion for fifteen minutes and he sings even then; as for me, well, I use any free time I have to compose songs,” Jaebum runs his hands over his thighs.  
  
“Oh really?” Jackson leans forward in interest.  
  
“Uh, yeah. One of them is actually going to be translated into Japanese and used as the b-side for our Japan debut,” Jaebum says with a hint of pride.  
  
“That’s so cool, I bet it sounds great!”  
  
“You can’t say that if you haven’t even heard it,” Jaebum says, laughing a bit shyly and scratching behind his ear.  
  
“Could I listen to it?” Jackson asks with wide eyes, clasping his hands in front of his body. Jaebum narrows his eyes. “Pleeeeaaase,” Jackson sidles up closer to him on the sofa, pushing out his bottom lip and fluttering his eyelashes.  
  
Jaebum stares at him for a moment before he looks away. “Sure, why not? I’ll let you listen to the original Korean demo,” he says with a shrug.  
  
“Yes! Thank you,” Jackson grins.  
  
Jaebum shakes his head fondly. “I’ll be right back,” he says before he gets up and heads back to his bedroom, a laptop clutched in his hands on his return. Jackson bites his lips in a bid to hold back a squeal, but he can’t stop himself from wriggling in his seat in anticipation. “Don’t look so excited about it. If you over hype it, you might end up disappointed,” Jaebum says a bit sheepishly before he plays the song.  
  
Jackson is initially a bit surprised at what starts playing through the speakers; it’s a completely different sound than what’s been featured on their mini albums so far. It’s certainly not a bad surprise though. Jackson enjoys the song’s electric beat and hip-hop colour and finds himself nodding his head and tapping his feet.  
  
“You like it?” Jackson jumps at the sensation of Jaebum’s warm breath tickling his ears, the hair on their arms brushing against each other. When did they end up sitting so close together?  
  
“Uh, yeah, it sounds great,” Jackson blinks owlishly. At this distance, he can see the indentations of Jaebum’s contact lenses on his eyes. “What’s it called?”  
  
Jaebum opens his mouth to reply and Jackson’s gaze unconsciously flits down. He watches as a pink tongue slips out and wets both of Jaebum’s lips before it retreats back into its home. Jackson’s breathing accelerates when a hand reaches out and takes him by the chin, tilting his head up to meet Jaebum’s eyes. A thumb slowly strokes the space underneath Jackson’s bottom lip and suddenly Jackson can’t breathe at all.

“…Bad Behaviour,” Jaebum whispers before he tilts his head and leans forward.

Jackson’s eyes widen even more before they fall shut. Jackson’s dreamed of this a couple (dozen) times, but his fantasy is nothing compared to the reality. As Jaebum sucks his lower lip into his mouth, Jackson feels as though his body on the brink of dissolving into stardust; Jaebum’s hands clutching his waist and cupping his cheek are the only things keeping him corporeal. When Jaebum parts Jackson’s lips with his tongue Jackson can’t help the moan that escapes him. He’s left with his head spinning as Jaebum abruptly pulls away.  
  
“Sorry, I—forgive me, I shouldn’t have done that,” Jaebum stammers from the other end of the sofa, a hand covering his mouth, his shoulders trembling.  
  
Jackson struggles to find his voice, but only manages a sliver of it. “I didn’t mind,” he breathes.  
  
“I still shouldn’t have done it,” Jaebum buries his face his hands before he runs them through his hair. Jackson feels his stomach drop. “I shouldn’t have these feelings at all…”  
  
It’s not as though Jackson walked around with a rainbow flag stuck in his back pocket when he lived in Hong Kong, but all his friends and family—i.e. everyone who mattered to him—knew he liked guys and they never made him feel like a lesser being because of it. He thought he knew how lucky he was to have such a great support system, but he doesn’t realise just how wrong he was–just how lucky he is–until he sees the internal conflict playing out on Jaebum’s face. Jackson has his insecurities, as much as he tries to pretend he doesn’t, but he’s never felt even half as revolted with himself as Jaebum looks now.  
  
“Hey, do you—If you want I could—I mean—” Jackson tries to find the words to salvage the situation, but they just won’t come.  
  
“It’s kind of funny isn’t? How you can come here and hang out–spend the night if you wanted–and no-one would think anything of it if they found out. Hell, I could hold your hand or put my arm around you in public and people would probably think it was cute and harmless – right up until I reveal that I’m gay. Then, all that previously normal behaviour becomes abnormal and  _wrong_ ,” Jaebum smiles bitterly.

Jackson wrings his hands, still trying to think of something to say.  
  
“Jinyoung and Youngjae would have a difficult time trying to hide a girlfriend if they wanted to date, and it’s so much easier for me to hide in plain sight, but I’d have  _so_  much more to lose if I got found out,” Jaebum buries his face in his hands again.

Jackson can only gape like a fish, frozen in his seat as the older man’s shoulders start to shake.  
  
“Sorry for dumping this on you,” Jaebum sighs as he sits up, his eyes looking mercifully dry. Jackson shrugs awkwardly, swallowing the half-formed apology sitting heavily on the back of his tongue. “I like you, I really do, but I’ve put in three years of hard work just to get to the starting point that I’m currently at. Plus I’m the leader of J-Project; the survival and success of the group depends on my actions. I’m carrying not just my own dreams, but also Jinyoung and Youngjae’s dreams on my back. So, I’m sorry, but I just can’t. I apologise for giving you the wrong idea.”

Jackson swallows the lump in his throat as he nods. “Right, well, should I just—?” Jackson blinks hard as he waves a shaky hand toward the front door, half standing out of his seat.  
  
“Wait!” Jaebum jumps forward and grabs Jackson by the arm.

For the second time in five minutes, Jackson’s heart leaps into his throat.

“It’s probably selfish of me, but I still want us to be friends. I promise that I won’t—that I won’t misbehave like that again.” Jackson nods mutely, swallowing hard and blinking even harder. “Thank you,” Jaebum breathes.  
  
The instant that Jaebum lets him go, Jackson rushes to the entryway, hastily jumping into his shoes before he flies out the door. He ignores the elevator, instead running down all fourteen flights of stairs. By the time he makes it to the second floor there’s a stitch forming in his side and his knee is on fire, but he ignores that too. Once he gets outside he hobbles as quickly as his feet will allow him, blind to everything but the dark grey of the pavement. He mumbles an apology as he bumps into a small group of high school kids and he nearly gets run over by a taxi as he crosses the street. He finally comes to a stop at the entrance to the train station, doubled over and catching his breath as late-morning commuters push past him. His head is still spinning, but he’s calmed down just enough to actually have a destination in mind.  
  
“Hey, Jackson, how did your date go?” Mark asks suggestively before he fully opens the door and gets a good look at Jackson’s face. “Oh God, what happened?”  
  
Jackson doesn’t even try to explain himself, the words trapped in his throat. Instead he lunges forward, latching onto Mark and burying his face in his best friend’s neck right as the dam he had been holding back all this time finally bursts. Mark stumbles back, tripping over his feet, sending the both of them crashing down to the ground. Jackson’s elbow is flaring in pain from where it knocked against the shoe cupboard and he’s going to have to do shitload of extra stretches to soothe his bad knee, but he ignores that right now, holding fast to Mark.  
  
“It’s alright, I’m here,” Mark whispers soothingly. He might very well have gotten a concussion from the way he banged his head against the floor, but he just returns the hug, rubbing calming circles into Jackson’s shaking back. “It’ll be alright.”  
  
  
  
  
Jaebum’s hectic schedule always kept him too busy for him and Jackson to chat very regularly, but after the…incident, they become even more sporadic. Although their words remain civil, there’s this unshakeable atmosphere of awkwardness that hangs over all of their subsequent conversations like a rain cloud.  
  
  
‘hey how have the shows in japan been?’  
  
‘They’re going really well. I’m surprised that so many people are coming.’  
  
‘it’s good that your fan base is expanding’  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
  
  
There is such a noticeable difference in the exchanges they used to have compared with the ones they have now that Jackson almost can’t believe the previous ones actually happened. Before he goes to bed, Jackson re-reads them, closing his eyes and reliving the easy way they used to banter.  
  
  
‘i’ll never get why the asshole always ends up with the female lead when there’s a perfectly decent, if boring, other guy for her.’  
  
‘Everyone has their flaws, and he’s not as much of a dick as he used to be, so progress?’  
  
‘ugh and why are these kisses always so awkward and lifeless? are the actors still not comfortable with each other after how many weeks of filming???’  
  
‘Oh come on, this one isn’t so bad…They moved their lips a little bit…I think.’  
  
‘why does she even still want him? last episode, he proposed to another girl to make her jealous. he’s such an obnoxious dick. not at all like you~ ^.~’  
  
‘>//< shut up ㅋㅋㅋ’  
  
  
  
  
The season changes and J-Project wrap up their promotional activities until their next comeback, which is tentatively scheduled for next spring. For the first time in a long time, Jaebum has quite a bit of free time, but now Jackson is the busy one, spending most of his days with his face buried inside text books and notes. Exams are coming up and he’s determined to do well. If he can’t be a fencer anymore and if his relationship with Jaebum is permanently damaged, then he at least needs his academics to be on point. He’s frustrated right now because was making good progress through the chapters before, but now it’s like he’s stalled. As he blinks and rolls his eyes, Jackson wonders if his astigmatism is getting worse because the words on the page just keep blurring in and out of focus. Throwing down his pen with a frustrated sigh, Jackson gets up and heads to the kitchen; maybe if he eats a snack he’ll be able to settle down long enough to get  _something_  done. His phone pings with a LINE message as he’s boiling a pot of water for ramyeon. It’s Mark.  
  
‘Dude, did you hear about what happened to jb???’

Jackson feels like he’s fallen through thin ice. ‘no what happened???’  
  
‘A bus crashed into his company’s van while he and some staff were inside :o’  
  
Jackson drops his phone. He stares at it for a moment– frozen –before he scrambles to pick it up from the floor and opens the Twitter app. Sure enough, at least half of his timeline is expressing concern over Jaebum’s well-being and tweeting get well messages. Well, shit. ‘is he ok????’  
  
‘Reports are saying that it wasn’t serious but apparently he was taken to the hospital :/’  
  
Jackson jumps at the sounds of hissing and he looks up to see the water boiling over in the pot. He quickly shoves his phone in his pocket and turns off the fire, pouring the remaining water into the sink. Once he’s sure his kitchen isn’t going to burn down, he pulls out his phone and types out another message. ‘jaebum, i just heard about the accident. are you alright???’ Things have been awkward between them for weeks, but he doesn’t hesitate to message him now. The response comes almost instantly.  
  
‘I’m fine. My leg got cut but that’s it. I got it cleaned and bandaged at the hospital and was discharged immediately. I’ll be dancing again in no time!’  
  
Jackson sighs in relief. ‘that’s good to hear i was so worried…’ It takes about a minute for the next response to come in, and in that sixty second period, Jackson bites his lip, wondering if he misspoke. When the response finally comes in, he blinks in surprise.  
  
‘Would you come and see me?’  
  
Jackson doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. ‘yeah, sure when would be a good time?’  
  
‘How about now? At the dorm.’  
  
Jackson glances through the entryway to the living room at the pile of books he still has to read, thinking of all the work he still needs to get done. ‘i’m on my way’  
  
Some thirty seven minutes later, Jackson finds himself standing at Jaebum’s front door. He brushes some imaginary dirty off his shirt before he presses the buzzer, requesting to be let in. Jinyoung’s face appears on the screen. “Uh, hey it’s Jackson. Jaebum invited me over,” Jackson runs his slightly clammy hands over the front of his hoodie.  
  
“Oh, did he?” The glint in Jinyoung’s eyes is unmistakable, even on the small, slightly pixelated screen. “Come on in, then.”  
  
“Thanks, where’s Jaebum?” Jackson asks as soon as the door opens.  
  
“He’s in his room. Come on, I’ll lead you there,” Jinyoung says, taking Jackson by the arm and pulling him along.  
  
“Shouldn’t I just wait in the living room?” Jackson protests, but doesn’t actually try to remove his arm from Jinyoung’s grasp or stop him in his tracks.  
  
A few seconds later, the two of them are right in front of Jaebum’s door. Jinyoung knocks. “Hyung, your visitor is here,” he calls out before he pushes the door open.

Jaebum is reclining on his bed in nothing but a white tank top and grey boxer shorts. Jackson stops short at the sight, equally affected by Jaebum’s state of dress and the angry-looking scar on his thigh, but Jinyoung nudges him further inside before he exits the room and closes the door behind him.  
  
“Oh, hi,” Jaebum says a bit sheepishly, his cheeks colouring as he pulls the covers over his legs.  
  
“Hey,” Jackson waves, hovering by the door. He was so set on coming here to check up on Jaebum, but now that he’s arrived, he doesn’t know what to say or do.  
  
“You can have a seat,” Jaebum gestures to his bed. Jackson hesitates before he crawls forward and lightly rests by the end.  
  
“That looks pretty painful,” Jackson says, waving one hand in the general direction of Jaebum’s lower body, the other hand rubbing his knee in sympathy.  
  
“Uh, yeah it did—does—hurt, but I’ll survive, probably without any real lasting damage too,” Jaebum shrugs.  
  
“I’m glad,” Jackson nods, unable to look Jaebum in the eye for more than two seconds at a time. “I was shocked when I saw my Twitter feed fretting over your safety,” Jackson rubs the back of his neck.  
  
“Look, Jackson, there’s—there’s a reason I asked you to come here. It’s…I’ve been thinking and…” Jaebum trails of before he slowly pushes himself up on his arms and slides his body forward, wincing all the way.  
  
“Hey, stop, you really shouldn’t be moving around like that,” Jackson frowns, reaching out to hold Jaebum by the shoulders. He blinks in surprise when Jaebum takes his hand and laces their fingers together. “What? Why are you...?” Jackson asks through trembling lips, his eyes widening as Jaebum rubs the pad of his thumb over the back of Jackson’s hand.  
  
“Didn’t you know? Brushes with death can make people re-evaluate their life choices,” Jaebum says with an ironic smile. “When I was being moved to the hospital, you were the only thing on my mind. As corny as it sounds, after the shock of the collision wore off all I could think of was how I much I wish I hadn’t stopped kissing you when I had the chance,” Jaebum snorts lightly, shaking his head at himself.  
  
“Oh,” Jackson breathes, his fingers squeezing Jaebum’s.  
  
“And now that I have the chance again…”

Jackson’s eyes widen even more when Jaebum lifts his other hand to the back of Jackson’s neck, applying light pressure. Jackson all but falls into Jaebum’s lap, their noses awkwardly pressed together as Jackson’s lips land on Jaebum’s. Despite that, this kiss is even better than the last one because Jaebum doesn’t pull away, except to better reposition their faces. Jackson’s hands fist themselves in Jaebum’s shirt at his side, then his shoulders, before they make their final resting place in Jaebum’s blond locks. When Jaebum slips his tongue into Jackson’s mouth, Jackson instinctively shifts forward to be as close to the other man as is physically possible.

“Ah, shit,” Jaebum hisses, his head thrown back with eyes clenched shut.  
  
“Oh shit, I’m  _so_  sorry,” Jackson gasps as he eases himself off Jaebum’s injured leg before he throws back the covers to inspect it for damage. Thankfully, Jaebum’s wound isn’t bleeding. “I’m really, really sorry,” Jackson repeats, biting his lip.

Jaebum takes several deep breaths before he finally responds. “It’s okay,” he says, taking hold of Jackson’s hand again. “Let’s just… take it easy, yeah?”

Jackson has a feeling that he’s talking about more than just his injury. “Yeah,” he nods. Jaebum’s lips quirk up and he pulls Jackson in for another kiss.  
  
  
  
  
Jackson’s been singing at the top of his voice for the past two hours, but he gets even louder when the opening beats to ‘Bounce’ starts playing. He’s not the only one, the rest of the audience goes wild and he swears he can feel the earth shake when they get to the chorus and everyone starts jumping. He glances to his right, a laugh escaping his lips at the sight of Mark singing and jumping along with gusto. Jackson doesn’t know why he still insists on pretending that he isn’t a huge fan, but he’s going to rib the hell out of him when he gets his voice back.  
  
On the other side of the stage, Jinyoung leans into the audience and plucks something from the hands of a fan before he runs up behind Youngjae, who is jumping around gleefully. Jinyoung spins the younger man around and plonks a pair of cat ears on his head, and gestures for him to do some ageyo for the crowd. Youngjae pouts before he complies, bbuing bbuing and shaking his ass with the beat.  
  
As Jackson is laughing at that, Jaebum passes by his section of the crowd. Jackson jumps and holds up the banner he made of the Hong Kong flag, waving it wildly to attract Jaebum’s attention. Just when Jackson thinks the other man missed him, Jaebum does a double take and waves in his direction, a bright grin lighting his face. He then leans over and grabs a camera from a fan standing right in front of Jackson to take a selca, throwing Jackson a wink.  
  
“Oh my God, I think JB winked just at you!” Mark shouts with his hands cupping his own face.  
  
“Oh my God, he totally did!” Jackson gasps with his hands over his mouth, before he dissolves into giggles. He’s overplaying it, but a genuine thrill of excitement did run through him just now.  
  
After ‘Bounce’ comes to a close, all three members of J-Project head back to the middle of the stage amidst a cacophony of cheers and applause. “Everyone, as our very first solo concert comes to a close, the three of us would like to say something,” Jaebum says, slightly out of breath and dripping sweat. As Youngjae prepares to speak, the instrumental to ‘Forever Young’ starts to play.  
  
“Hello, everyone, this is the lovable maknae, Choi Youngjae. This first solo concert show was absolutely amazing! I can’t believe that I get to stand up here and sing with all of you. This is truly a dream come true. I love you!” Youngjae makes a heart with his hands and bows.  
  
“Hello, this is the multitalented dancer, rapper, vocalist and actor, Park Jinyoung! Thank you for coming out tonight and making our first solo concert show such an exciting one. We hope to improve and put on even better shows in the future, so please continue to stay with us. We love you!” Jinyoung blows the cheering crowd a kiss before he bows.  
  
“Everyone, as the leader of J-Project I’d like to thank you all for being with us all this time. Your love and support over the past three and a half years are the reason that Youngjae, Jinyoung and I are able to stand on this stage. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you,” Jaebum bows to loud cheer from the crowd. When Jaebum straightens, his eyes scan the sea of light sticks and banners until they settle right by where Jackson is standing and he smiles. “We’ve gone through a lot to get to this point, you and I, and I hope that we can continue like this for as long as possible. I love you.”  
  
The audience once again erupts into deafening screams, but Jackson can hardly hear anything through the warm bubble that seems to have engulfed him. He grins so hard his cheeks start to ache as he screams, “I love you too!” indifferent to the fact that Jaebum can’t hear him right now. Beside him Mark is beaming and patting him on the shoulder.  
  
“Please sing with us as we close with a song that represents J-Project’s desire to continue with you, our fans. It’s ‘Forever Young’!”  
  
Jackson sways from side to side as Jinyoung starts to rap in a sweet, low voice. Mark does the same, miming turning on a lighter and holding it up; Jackson chuckles and copies him. As the adrenaline that had built up in his blood from the previous song slowly wears off, Jackson takes in the scene before him, his heart swelling. He always knew that JP would do well, and he feels so proud of them for selling out their first solo show, feels so happy that he became their fan and met Jaebum. If Jackson was surprised at Jaebum’s little address to him just before the closing song, then he’s gob smacked when the older man makes his way to Jackson’s section again and kneels down before he sings his next part.  
  
“ _Forever young you and I, just as we are/Forever young even if time passes by/Forever young woo baby/Woo woo baby woo woo baby/Forever you’re my shawty,_ ”Jaebum extends a hand, pointing a finger at Jackson. About half a dozen teen girls around him will leave the concert hall swearing that Jaebum was singing it to them, but Jackson knows different. It’s the closest thing to a public confession that Jaebum will ever make, and it takes Jackson’s breath away because he knows the older man means every word.  
  
“So which passing spirit jumped into you and made you act so bold on stage tonight?” Jackson asks a few hours later in Jaebum’s bed, wrapped up in the other man’s arms.  
  
“I suppose I was overwhelmed by the emotions practically poring out of the audience, and the feeling of accomplishment for finishing our first solo concert. I wish I could call you by name and pull you up on stage, but that’s the best I can do,” Jaebum says apologetically, his cheek nuzzling Jackson’s hair.  
  
Jackson leans up to give Jaebum a peck on the lips. “Well, I appreciate the thought behind it. It was very adequate,” he nods.  
  
“ _Adequate?_  I think me pouring my heart out in front of thousands of people was a bit more than  _adequate_ ,” Jaebum growls, pushing Jackson onto his back and straddling his waist.  
  
Jackson suppresses a grin. “Okay, it was satisfactory,” he says with feigned consideration. He then bursts into giggles as Jaebum attacks his sides with his fingers.  
  
“You talk too much, I ought to shut you up,” Jaebum declares before he covers Jackson’s lips with his own, Jackson’s laughter petering off and turning into moans as Jaebum grinds their naked pelvises together and slips two fingers back inside Jackson’s entrance.  
  
“Come on, hurry up, I’m good to go,” Jackson whines as he arches his back.

Jaebum sits up and pins Jackson’s arms above his head. “Behave. Don’t move,” Jaebum says sternly.

Jackson pouts, but he lies still. Jaebum reaches over the end of the bed and retrieves the bottle of lube from the floor before he squirts some more into his palm and coats his cock with it.

“D’you mind being on top this time?” Jaebum asks, lightly slapping Jackson’s thigh.  
  
Jackson frowns in concern. “Are you having a flare up?” Jackson reaches for the scar on Jaebum’s thigh and lightly traces it.  
  
Jaebum winces slightly. “Hmmm it’s kinda getting there, but I’m fine really.” Jackson remains unmoving, he knows from personal experience how ill-advised it is to overwork an already injured leg. “No, seriously, and look at it this way, you’d be giving me something wonderful to focus on.”  
  
Jackson puffs out his cheeks, holding a breath in for a moment before he releases it. “Alright, but tell me if I overdo it,” Jackson concedes as he straddles the older man.

Jaebum smiles and tucks Jackson’s hair behind his ears. Jackson holds the base of Jaebum’s cock as he lowers himself onto it, hissing in pleasure as he slowly sinks down. Using Jaebum’s shoulders to steady himself, Jackson starts bouncing in his lap and rolling his hips in earnest.  
  
“Ah, lean back a bit.” Jaebum pants. With some space between them, Jaebum wraps his hand around Jackson’s cock, his other hand holding Jackson firmly by the hip. He makes sure to squeeze the shaft and twists his wrist as he pumps it—just the way Jackson likes it—increasing his pace as Jackson’s bouncing becomes more and more erratic.  
  
“Ah, hyung, I’m gonna—!” Jackson pants before a stream of white fluid paints Jaebum’s chest. It’s not long before Jaebum is also shuddering and releasing his load into Jackson. Jackson collapses on his side. “Jae, I know your thigh is probably hurting but can you get the flannel this time? I’m all fucked out,” he mumbles.  
  
Jaebum rolls his eyes, but he complies with Jackson’s request. Jackson shifts his leg to allow Jaebum better access to move and to wipe him down. “You know, even though we both agreed not to bother with condoms anymore, I do miss the easy clean-up.”  
  
“Who’s this ‘we’?” Jaebum scoffs. “You were the one who insisted we stop using rubbers,” he points out, running the flannel over Jackson’s abdomen.  
  
Jackson arches up into the touch. “And you give me whatever I want, ergo ‘we’,” he says around a yawn.

Jaebum rolls his eyes again. After he’s finished cleaning them both up, he lies down behind Jackson, throwing an arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to the back of Jackson’s neck before he settles down to sleep. Jackson’s eyes drift shut as he listens to the deep, even breaths of the man behind him.  
  
“It was amazing. I loved it,” Jackson whispers into the sheets just before he’s lulled to sleep.

For a second he wonders if Jaebum is awake to hear the words and knows what they mean, but then the arm around his waist tightens and pulls him a little closer to Jaebum.


End file.
